Be positive?!?! 

“Be positive”. Just one of those irritating pieces of advice constantly given to you on a daily bases, normally by someone who hasn’t got a clue what you are going through. “How?” No that they don’t tell you. Oh and “don’t give up” what the hell do you think I’m doing? I’m fighting everyday whichever way I can, with motivation playlist playing in my head, its either “Eye of the Tiger” yes that Rocky fans favourite or “Keep on Movin” by Soul II Soul and still adding to the list. I tattoo with biro symbols of strength on my hands, I meditate, I swim, go to Pilates in order to meet new people.Its taken me nearly four years to get my head around understanding A.S, I’m still trying to adjust my day to day life, trying to pace myself, still trying to make people understand I’m not going to break, that I get tired.

I’m feeling like I’ve been knocked to the ground again 2017 has been full of more surprises. This year I discover I also have early stages of Osteoarthritis in my hips, can’t remember due to brain fog but i think the x-ray also showed my left Si joint is starting to fuse too, that’s the Ankylosing Spondylitis (A.S). In July a hydrotherapy pool I used to exercise was closed down. Here’s the cherry on the cake, a week before Christmas I’m told my A.S is in remission, fantastic news, my anti-tnf Cimzia is working. So I ask why am I in so much pain? My hips are killing me, how can early stages of Osteoarthritis be so painful? So and checked over and told I also have Fibromyalgia. What’s that? I don’t know, I just know it is agony and Lady Gaga has it.

What the hell did I do to deserve this? I’m so tired, I don’t have the strength to fight anymore! So yeah… be positive!

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