Four year diagnos-iversary

It’s not something to celebrate but as I already mentioned, the date is not one I’ll forget in a hurry.

I just read an interesting blog The Stages of Grief After Learning You Can’t Be ‘Fixed’ and it’s so true it is like you are grieving. I guess I never really thought of it that way. You’re in agony for years, yep that was me. Nobody knows what’s wrong, me again. You think you’re going crazy, oh yes that’s me too. Then you finally get a diagnoses and of course their is no cure, life is over!

As I said in my post “My Diagnosis” it took a long time for this news to sink in. It couldn’t be true, I dreamt it but then realisation hit and I’d cry and cry and I’d literally exhausted myself. I don’t know what triggered it but I’d be OK one minute then my thoughts would go to the AS and what future I have…. yes it’s definitely grief. I imagined how I would cope on my own. What would I do. What if I can’t work how will I manage. Looking back now of course I still think of those things but not in the same one. Now I think, “I’ll manage somehow” and “Worry about it when the time comes”. Of course that’s going to worry me but its not dragging me down anymore.

I desperately try to look at the positive, the things I’ve achieved in the last 4 years and hopefully that’s what’s making me stronger.

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