Don’t let anyone ware you down

Image by Avogado6

Our lives are draining enough as it is, am I right? The pain, the stress, .the sleepless nights, pressure from friends and family. What about work? Are they supportive? Are they genuinely supporting you? I’m not trying to make you doubt anyone in your life. Remember my blog is an outlet, a release for my suppressed feelings and emotions. People I thought were supporting me at work have stabbed me in the back and I allowed them to ware me down to the point of nearly breaking me mentally, but I am stronger then that. I was drowning in my own tears. I doubted myself, I was so confused. What had I done wrong? Why did I suddenly feel like the one to blame?

I have never felt like I had to prove myself to anyone that I am able to do my job, until I was diagnosed with Ankylosing Spondylitis that is. Nobody put pressure on me and made me feel like I had to, it was just me. For the past four years I have pushed myself and worked harder to prove nothing has changed. Maybe I was trying to prove that more to myself then work, it was hardly a surprise, I was scared. I did not know what the future held for me. I did not know how understanding people around me would be. I only initially told management and two people I work with and I told them I did not want to be treated differently and I would not start saying I could not do things because of my disability. I’m not one of those people who uses these kind of things to my advantage to get out of doing things. I just adjust the way I did things in order to carry on. I thought I was doing ok, I thought everyone understood then when I had a flare I couldn’t do certain things, but they still got done. When my fatigue was bad they said not to worry when I apologized for not being as active. How wrong I was.

So intially as I said I felt supported. It was suggested I log all I do in a day to see if anything at works triggers my pain and fatigue flares but it got to the point that they literally wanted to know my every move. I now felt checked up on and this comment wasn’t received very well they said they didn’t know how to support me, that I don’t want people asking how I am!!!!!! Lies. Anyway I won’t got into details but after this comment I was being treated differently from my department. They were snappy with me and there was a very horrible atmosphere. I was actually shouted at on one occasion infront of a colleague who sat there and said nothing. This is when I decided enough was enough and reported this person for bullying and descrimination due to my disabilities. I never thought I would have to use those words.

Three months later and I still have no idea what this guy’s problem is.

Long story short I broke, I had to go to doctors and get signed off for two weeks. This person is playing with my head, it’s sick, how can I not think he’s desciminating me due to my disabilities when he won’t talk directly to me?

The summer holidays are nearly over. I can already feel my mood is changing.

Have any of you any advice for me? Have any of you been through anything similar. I’d be grateful.

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